Monday, January 20, 2014
Infinity Soup
If you live in the Northern Hemisphere, it's winter. You foolishly spent all of your money on pole dancing classes and gel manicures, but you still have to eat. Here is a recipe for a healthy dish that I like to make in the times when I am low on cash/interest in cooking and high on nail polish fumes. Just kidding, I meant time.
Without further ado, I present the soup recipe that could last, literally forever: Infinity Soup!
Infinity Soup
Infinity scarves and infinity tattoos were very trendy last year, so why not try Infinity Soup? This recipe requires soaking dried beans ahead of time, so I like to start it on Saturday, then cook it during the afternoon on Sunday.
1 bag of mixed dry beans (you could mix the dry beans yourself, but who has the time? Or, you can use one kind of bean, but you're going to be eating this soup forever, so you might as well splurge for the bag of beans that will provide different textures)
Something to create a smoky flavor (I use Liquid Smoke, but if you happen to have a ham bone kicking around, that would probably be a better flavor)
Some broth-like thing (Currently I'm using some veggie broth paste called Better Than Boullion, but cubes or liquid broth or that homemade chicken broth that you made and then froze, you overachiever, will also work well)
1/2 - 1 onion, chopped into little squares
Your favorite savory spices (I like using chili powder, crushed red pepper flakes and garlic, because those are generally the spices I have on hand. You don't want to go too crazy here. You can always add hot sauce or other things to kick the flavor up a notch)
1 can cheap beer (Most recently, I used PBR, but I've also seen nice results with Budweiser and Miller High Life. This can - and should! - be omitted if you can't eat gluten)
Left over goodies! - mostly fresh or cooked vegetables, rice, pasta, canned tomatoes, or anything you have in your fridge that would be delicious in a soup. Who were you to think that you'd be able to eat 2 pounds of kale in one week, you delusional fuck?
Day 1: Cover the beans under several inches of water and soak the beans overnight. Do this in a large bowl in the refrigerator. I don't really know the science behind why you should put the beans in the refrigerator, but it just works better if you do.
Day 2:
Hour 1: Start cooking early. Drain the water from the soaking bowl (if there's anything left). Put the beans in a big ol' soup pot, and add lots and lots of water. I don't really measure this. Just add a lot. At this point, you can also add the broth or boullion cube and a couple drops of liquid smoke or the hambone. Cover and heat the stove to the point where the beans boil over and make a huge mess, then reduce the temperature to a simmer.
Here's my experience beans: they won't give you gas if you cook them enough. Beans should be soft, not crunchy. So give yourself 3-4 hours to make sure the beans aren't crunchy. Is it annoying to dedicate an entire afternoon to making soup? Yes. Is it annoying to not have to cook again for the rest of the week? I don't think so.
Hour 2: So the beans have been cooking in the water, getting softer. Now it's time to add some flavor. Add the onions and spices. Keep cooking! Add more water if it all boils away.
Hour 2/12 - 3: Taste the broth that the beans are in. Does it taste delicious, or does it taste like bean water? If it tastes like bean water, add some pepper and a little salt. Put in some more spices. Open the beer and dump a splash or two in, roughly half the can. The rest is for you, you lucky dog! At this point, you can also add any pre-cooked vegetables, fresh vegetables that take a longer time to cook, or leftover rice or pasta.
Hour 3 or 3 1/2: If I'm adding fresh vegetables, like kale or spinach, I like to add them at the last minute, so they stay kind of crispy. Do this now.
Hour 3, 3/12, 4: Your soup is done! Add any finishing spice touches and serve.
Making it Last Forever: The beauty of this soup, is that you could literally eat it forever, if you keep adding stuff to it. Although, I really don't recommend adding stuff to it on separate days more than twice, because, you know, food safety. Throw it away when it starts to smell extra beany. But hopefully you won't get to that point, because it will be so delicious that you'll gobble it all up (read: You have no choice, you made your infinity soup bed, now you'll have to lie in it).
Day 2: Drain the soak water (if there's any left)
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Lockman's List: Fall Edition
I love fall. It's full of people waxing annoyingly poetic about Pumpkin Spice Lattes and scarves and boring sports like football and the smell of burning leaves and fewer hours of sun and seasonal depression and shredding in some fresh powder and... Okay, so I'm not the biggest fan of fall.
But despite the SNOW we had on Friday, the lack of sun and the cold in the mornings that makes me sleep through spin class, I've found a lot of things to really like recently. Here they are.
1. Body Pump: Body Pump is this weird thing I do 2-3 times a week where I get in a room at the gym with 15-30 other women and we lift weights really fast to horrible pop music. And then you get really big muscles after a few weeks and look at yourself in the mirror and wonder what happened to your frozen custard belly and why your arms look like muscley twigs and why all of your clothes fit better.
It's amazing.
2. Having A Gardening Crush: I live in suburbia. People in suburbia often have nice gardens. Sometimes, you develop Garden Crushes on the people with nice gardens. Sometimes your Garden Crushes leave free irises and daylilies on the curb for others to take. As you're planting your Garden Crush's cast-offs, fantasize about the note you'll write and leave on their door step, expressing your affection. Get cold and go inside instead. Someday, my love. Someday.
3. Spaghetti Squash: So a lot of people already knew this, but spaghetti squash is the shit. You cut it in half, stick it in the oven on 375 or 350 depending on how you're feeling that day, and 45 minutes later, you have pasta! Pasta that counts as a vegetable and won't make your friends with gluten allergies sick. Think of the potential! Spaghetti squash and spicy peanut sauce. Spaghetti squash and whole, roasted garlic cloves. Spaghetti squash n' cheese.
4. Public libraries: I've always loved libraries. Because of the trajectory of my life, every town I've lived in has had a library that was better than the last.
The Green Bank Public Library was my first love, but once they got the new building that was structurally sound and could hold more books, it lost some of its charm.
Enter the Whitesburg Public Library, with more books on Appalachia than you could shake a stick at and one of the more tasteful Breast Cancer Awareness Month 2010 displays in the town (lest we never forget the church with the sign that said "God wants you to be whole," or "Don't Let Cancer Steal Second Base.").
But Whitesburg was overshadowed by the Oberlin Public Library (OPL) with its hot librarians and the fact that it was opened on Saturdays AND Sundays. Be still my reading heart.
And then came the Boulder Public Library. It's a work of pure beauty. A haven for the homeless and homesick alike. There's a fish tank that shows the flow of Boulder Creek for crying out loud! Free WIFI! A free public notary. And when I got my library card, the man who signed me up told me I could take home 40 books that day. That's 4 - 0. I made a joke about not being too ambitious, but I sure as hell tried. My only complaint about the Boulder Public Library is that it has self-checkout. Self-checkout is fine for grocery stores where you don't want people to judge the fact that your grocery basket contains cheese, spaghetti squash, beer, and peanut butter. Self-checkout has no place in a library, where people come to be entertained and informed, and have a little bit of human interaction in the mostly solitary pursuit that is reading.
But other than that, the Boulder Public Library is sheer bliss.
So grab your library cards, hop on your bike, and head to the gym! On your way back, pick up some spaghetti squash and swing by your Garden Crush's house. Maybe they'll give you some of their special desert ground cover if you impress them with your muscles. It might be snowing in Aspen but in the heart of the reader, it's always summer.
Lockman out.
But despite the SNOW we had on Friday, the lack of sun and the cold in the mornings that makes me sleep through spin class, I've found a lot of things to really like recently. Here they are.
1. Body Pump: Body Pump is this weird thing I do 2-3 times a week where I get in a room at the gym with 15-30 other women and we lift weights really fast to horrible pop music. And then you get really big muscles after a few weeks and look at yourself in the mirror and wonder what happened to your frozen custard belly and why your arms look like muscley twigs and why all of your clothes fit better.
It's amazing.
2. Having A Gardening Crush: I live in suburbia. People in suburbia often have nice gardens. Sometimes, you develop Garden Crushes on the people with nice gardens. Sometimes your Garden Crushes leave free irises and daylilies on the curb for others to take. As you're planting your Garden Crush's cast-offs, fantasize about the note you'll write and leave on their door step, expressing your affection. Get cold and go inside instead. Someday, my love. Someday.
3. Spaghetti Squash: So a lot of people already knew this, but spaghetti squash is the shit. You cut it in half, stick it in the oven on 375 or 350 depending on how you're feeling that day, and 45 minutes later, you have pasta! Pasta that counts as a vegetable and won't make your friends with gluten allergies sick. Think of the potential! Spaghetti squash and spicy peanut sauce. Spaghetti squash and whole, roasted garlic cloves. Spaghetti squash n' cheese.
4. Public libraries: I've always loved libraries. Because of the trajectory of my life, every town I've lived in has had a library that was better than the last.
The Green Bank Public Library was my first love, but once they got the new building that was structurally sound and could hold more books, it lost some of its charm.
Enter the Whitesburg Public Library, with more books on Appalachia than you could shake a stick at and one of the more tasteful Breast Cancer Awareness Month 2010 displays in the town (lest we never forget the church with the sign that said "God wants you to be whole," or "Don't Let Cancer Steal Second Base.").
But Whitesburg was overshadowed by the Oberlin Public Library (OPL) with its hot librarians and the fact that it was opened on Saturdays AND Sundays. Be still my reading heart.
And then came the Boulder Public Library. It's a work of pure beauty. A haven for the homeless and homesick alike. There's a fish tank that shows the flow of Boulder Creek for crying out loud! Free WIFI! A free public notary. And when I got my library card, the man who signed me up told me I could take home 40 books that day. That's 4 - 0. I made a joke about not being too ambitious, but I sure as hell tried. My only complaint about the Boulder Public Library is that it has self-checkout. Self-checkout is fine for grocery stores where you don't want people to judge the fact that your grocery basket contains cheese, spaghetti squash, beer, and peanut butter. Self-checkout has no place in a library, where people come to be entertained and informed, and have a little bit of human interaction in the mostly solitary pursuit that is reading.
But other than that, the Boulder Public Library is sheer bliss.
So grab your library cards, hop on your bike, and head to the gym! On your way back, pick up some spaghetti squash and swing by your Garden Crush's house. Maybe they'll give you some of their special desert ground cover if you impress them with your muscles. It might be snowing in Aspen but in the heart of the reader, it's always summer.
Lockman out.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Hot Toddies: You're Sick So You Might As Well Get Drunk
I am the worst at being sick. Well, actually, I'm pretty good at getting sick. The moment I get the tiniest bit of stress in my life or try and juggle too many things at once, then BAM! the old immune system bites me in the tail. I call it "Stress Yourself Sick with Janney Lockman."
But sitting in bed all day diligently hydrating and taking Dayquil and doing neti pots and not eating dairy and sleeping and whatever else responsible people do when they're sick is a snore. I mean, I didn't WANT to spend all day reading drug-addled XOJane articles and snuggling with my cat. I wanted to be doing work so I could get paid. But alas, it was not to be. Being sick is dull. Fortunately, there are home remedies that make the time go faster. Like my personal favorite: the Hot Toddy.
Any women with vague Southern ties who is worth her weight in salt (mixed metaphors are possibly a result of lower flow of oxygen to my brain) should know, getting sick is just another excuse to drink whiskey. Who knows if it actually has any medicinal value, besides anecdotal evidence of grannies who lived to 100 and drank a shot of moonshine every day? Who cares? When you're sick and aren't supposed to do the things you need to do or the things that make you happy, you might as well knock yourself out with a little whiskey. Here are some of my favorite made up hot toddy recipes.
Lugan Toddy (Usually The Classic Hot Toddy)
For circumstances related to finances and laziness, I don't have any bourbon in my house right now, but I do have some strong Lithuanian liquor called Strumbo Starka that I'm assuming has similar medicinal properties. In honor of my recently-discovered Lithuanian roots, I christened the hot toddy I'm drinking tonight the Lugan Toddy.
1/2 to 2 shots whatever whiskey-like beverage you have in your house (in my house it's Strumbo Starka)
1-2 tablespoons honey (depending on how big of a wuss you are)
2-3 slices lemon squeezed
hot water
tea bag (this is optional but that's called "alcoholism")
While you're waiting for the water to boil, add the booze, honey, lemon juice and tea bag to a mug. Pour boiling water. Sip. Fall asleep
The Big Guns Gross Toddy
This is what you drink when you've been sick for entirely too long and you're fed up. It contains nearly every home remedy thing you're supposed to drink when you're sick. It tastes gross but as Kelly Clarkson said, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!
1/2 to 2 shots whiskey or whiskey substitute
1-2 tablespoons honey
2-3 slices lemon squeezed
1-2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
1 pinch cayenne pepper (DO NOT use red pepper flakes. This makes things really gross).
hot water
tea bag
Mix it all up, drink it down, shuddering with every sip.
But sitting in bed all day diligently hydrating and taking Dayquil and doing neti pots and not eating dairy and sleeping and whatever else responsible people do when they're sick is a snore. I mean, I didn't WANT to spend all day reading drug-addled XOJane articles and snuggling with my cat. I wanted to be doing work so I could get paid. But alas, it was not to be. Being sick is dull. Fortunately, there are home remedies that make the time go faster. Like my personal favorite: the Hot Toddy.
Any women with vague Southern ties who is worth her weight in salt (mixed metaphors are possibly a result of lower flow of oxygen to my brain) should know, getting sick is just another excuse to drink whiskey. Who knows if it actually has any medicinal value, besides anecdotal evidence of grannies who lived to 100 and drank a shot of moonshine every day? Who cares? When you're sick and aren't supposed to do the things you need to do or the things that make you happy, you might as well knock yourself out with a little whiskey. Here are some of my favorite made up hot toddy recipes.
Lugan Toddy (Usually The Classic Hot Toddy)
For circumstances related to finances and laziness, I don't have any bourbon in my house right now, but I do have some strong Lithuanian liquor called Strumbo Starka that I'm assuming has similar medicinal properties. In honor of my recently-discovered Lithuanian roots, I christened the hot toddy I'm drinking tonight the Lugan Toddy.
1/2 to 2 shots whatever whiskey-like beverage you have in your house (in my house it's Strumbo Starka)
1-2 tablespoons honey (depending on how big of a wuss you are)
2-3 slices lemon squeezed
hot water
tea bag (this is optional but that's called "alcoholism")
While you're waiting for the water to boil, add the booze, honey, lemon juice and tea bag to a mug. Pour boiling water. Sip. Fall asleep
The Big Guns Gross Toddy
This is what you drink when you've been sick for entirely too long and you're fed up. It contains nearly every home remedy thing you're supposed to drink when you're sick. It tastes gross but as Kelly Clarkson said, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!
1/2 to 2 shots whiskey or whiskey substitute
1-2 tablespoons honey
2-3 slices lemon squeezed
1-2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
1 pinch cayenne pepper (DO NOT use red pepper flakes. This makes things really gross).
hot water
tea bag
Mix it all up, drink it down, shuddering with every sip.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Sleep Like Baby: Surviving Summer
Few things give people more joy than complaining about things they have little control over. Take the weather for instance. No matter what's happening outside, someone will complain about it. So I'm going to do a little complaining of my own.
I currently live in a room without windows. It's great. The location is perfect, my roommates rule and the price is right. But it's hotter than the hinges of Hades and I haven't slept for more than 6 consecutive hours in about a week as a result. I'm one of those people who requires at least 8 hours a day or their brain shuts down. Here are a few action steps I've outlined for how to avoid dying of heat stroke and/or exhaustion this July.
1. Soak sheets in ice cold water. Put on bed. Sleep like baby.
2. Cut small hole in ceiling. If neighbors on top, new friends. If no neighbors, stick fan in hole. Sleep like baby.
3. Find summer boyfriend. If has windows in room, spend all time there. Sleep like baby. If has A/C and windows in room, marry him. Sleep like baby.
4. Go to homeless shelter. Sleep like baby.
5. Kidding about last one.
6. Hold fan above head while falling asleep. Hand drops fan, fan hits head, fan knocks me out. Sleep like baby.
7. Go to library. It has A/C. Find way to work while asleep. Go to sleep. Get paid to sleep like baby.
I currently live in a room without windows. It's great. The location is perfect, my roommates rule and the price is right. But it's hotter than the hinges of Hades and I haven't slept for more than 6 consecutive hours in about a week as a result. I'm one of those people who requires at least 8 hours a day or their brain shuts down. Here are a few action steps I've outlined for how to avoid dying of heat stroke and/or exhaustion this July.
1. Soak sheets in ice cold water. Put on bed. Sleep like baby.
2. Cut small hole in ceiling. If neighbors on top, new friends. If no neighbors, stick fan in hole. Sleep like baby.
3. Find summer boyfriend. If has windows in room, spend all time there. Sleep like baby. If has A/C and windows in room, marry him. Sleep like baby.
4. Go to homeless shelter. Sleep like baby.
5. Kidding about last one.
6. Hold fan above head while falling asleep. Hand drops fan, fan hits head, fan knocks me out. Sleep like baby.
7. Go to library. It has A/C. Find way to work while asleep. Go to sleep. Get paid to sleep like baby.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Townes-piration
Part of a lifestyle blog involves sharing quotes that inspire us to be our best selves possible! Right? Of course right!
Here at Janney Lockman Living, we don't tend to be satisfied with a Carpe Diem or something about world peace or "the journey" or footprints through the sand.
We need to bring out the big guns when it comes to inspiration. And who is more inspirational than the late, great Townes Van Zandt?
(Some other time I'll write about the game you can play where you drink if one of his lyrics is actually about drugs. You'd better bring your spare liver! But now is the time for positive thoughts and feelings.)
When You're Having Trouble Letting Go of the Past:
"Where you've been is good and gone all you keep is the getting there." - To Live's To Fly
"But it don't pay to think too much on things you leave behind." - To Live's To Fly
When You're Facing Challenges that You Don't Feel Adequately Prepared to Face:
"All I know is this my friends, you've got to swim before you fly." - Two Girls
When You're Freaking Out About Moving Halfway Across the Country/Major Life Transitions:
"It's time to go again but think of all the poetry and pickin' down the line." - To Live's To Fly
"If you go searching for rhyme or for reason,
Then you won't have the time that it takes just for talking
Bout the places you've been babe, and the places you've seen babe,
And how soft the time flies past your window at night." - Don't You Take It Too Bad
When You Want to Pretend Like Townes Van Zandt is Singing To YOU:
"Long and lazy, blonde and free..." - Loretta
"My darlin' she's a red-haired thing, lord she makes my legs to sing, gonna buy her a diamond ring" - Dollar Bill Blues
P.S. I am experimenting with FoRmAtTiNg. Bear with me. I'm also experimenting with free photo editing software. Maybe I'll start a Kickstarter to raise money to take graphic design classes. Just like Zach Braff and Amanda Palmer. LOL
Monday, April 22, 2013
Gazpacho Juice
In honor of my 3 day juice cleanse, I'm sharing my most inspired (to date) juice recipe. Juice on!
Gazpacho Juice
Serves 4 (or 3 people who are on a juice cleanse)
Inspired by the classic Spanish cold tomato soup, this is a delicious savory juice that probably tastes best when you're on a juice cleanse.
5 small organic tomatoes
2 organic lemons
1 1/2 organic cucumbers
handful parsley (I'm getting tired of typing organic but using organic produce is better for the Earth and you. Obviously, you're gonna do what you want, but if you already have a juicer at your house, then you're probably the type of person who buys organic produce anyways. Moving on...)
1 bunch celery
1 clove garlic
2 green onions
Put in your juicer, strain and enjoy! Don't be put off by the color, it tastes like gazpacho, I promise!
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Lockman's List: The Things I'm Digging
Juicing: Ugh I know I can't shut up about it, but purchase a freshly made juice from a juice bar and hopefully you'll have a sophisticated palate enough to understand.
Celebrity Magazines: Purchase one next time you're in an airport. Read it cover to cover. Become educated on this week's sliver of celebrity gossip. Believe the "anonymous sources." Pepper your conversation with bits of celebrity trivia and news for the next few weeks. Then stop, and use the magazine to make inspired collages, because all of this stuff will be old news and obsolete by your next flight.
Homemade Salad Dressings: Always keep a lemon in your refrigerator. It's good for preventing scurvy and creating a delicious, homemade salad dressing. If you're not a big wuss, squeeze a slice over your salads then add salt and pepper. If you prefer your lettuce well-dressed, mix some lemon juice, olive oil, mustard, and balsamic vinegar in a bowl then drizzle away. But the lemon is the secret.
Doing Everything in the Shower: You thought I was going to say sex! Well I just did, but that's not part of the list. You haven't lived until you've brushed your teeth in the shower. I know it's a waste of water, but if you do it while letting conditioner sit in your hair, you're being efficient AND giving yourself a wondrous treat. Ditto using a neti pot. While you're in there, wash your face. Bonus points if you drink a beer while doing any of the above (not recommended for shower toothbrushing!).
Spring Cleaning: Get rid of that shirt that is a pretty color but you always have to pull up or down and is itchy. Collapse the boxes that have been sitting beside the open flame on your gas-powered hot water heater. Wash your butter dish. Sweep your porch. Repot your plants. Despite the chill in the Northeast Ohio air, spring is coming. Get to cleaning.
Keeping My Skillet Good and Greasy: This is the title to an old time tune that I hope is a euphemism for sex, but in this context, take it literally. If you have a cast-iron skillet, moisturize it with oils. It is your cast-iron child and if you take care of it now, it will feed you in your dotage. Then it will grow tired of your increasing senility and send you off to a nursing home.
While you're at it, use some moisturizer on your body. Take some neat's foot oil to your winter boots before you put them away for the summer. And roll your eyes every time someone tells you that the word "moist" makes them uncomfortable. There are much more uncomfortable things in this life, and those feelings should not be used towards a word that describes hydration, a concept that isn't offensive to anything except for deserts.
Celebrity Magazines: Purchase one next time you're in an airport. Read it cover to cover. Become educated on this week's sliver of celebrity gossip. Believe the "anonymous sources." Pepper your conversation with bits of celebrity trivia and news for the next few weeks. Then stop, and use the magazine to make inspired collages, because all of this stuff will be old news and obsolete by your next flight.
Homemade Salad Dressings: Always keep a lemon in your refrigerator. It's good for preventing scurvy and creating a delicious, homemade salad dressing. If you're not a big wuss, squeeze a slice over your salads then add salt and pepper. If you prefer your lettuce well-dressed, mix some lemon juice, olive oil, mustard, and balsamic vinegar in a bowl then drizzle away. But the lemon is the secret.
Doing Everything in the Shower: You thought I was going to say sex! Well I just did, but that's not part of the list. You haven't lived until you've brushed your teeth in the shower. I know it's a waste of water, but if you do it while letting conditioner sit in your hair, you're being efficient AND giving yourself a wondrous treat. Ditto using a neti pot. While you're in there, wash your face. Bonus points if you drink a beer while doing any of the above (not recommended for shower toothbrushing!).
Spring Cleaning: Get rid of that shirt that is a pretty color but you always have to pull up or down and is itchy. Collapse the boxes that have been sitting beside the open flame on your gas-powered hot water heater. Wash your butter dish. Sweep your porch. Repot your plants. Despite the chill in the Northeast Ohio air, spring is coming. Get to cleaning.
Keeping My Skillet Good and Greasy: This is the title to an old time tune that I hope is a euphemism for sex, but in this context, take it literally. If you have a cast-iron skillet, moisturize it with oils. It is your cast-iron child and if you take care of it now, it will feed you in your dotage. Then it will grow tired of your increasing senility and send you off to a nursing home.
While you're at it, use some moisturizer on your body. Take some neat's foot oil to your winter boots before you put them away for the summer. And roll your eyes every time someone tells you that the word "moist" makes them uncomfortable. There are much more uncomfortable things in this life, and those feelings should not be used towards a word that describes hydration, a concept that isn't offensive to anything except for deserts.
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