Infinity Soup

If you live in the Northern Hemisphere, it's winter. You foolishly spent all of your money on pole dancing classes and gel manicures, but you still have to eat. Here is a recipe for a healthy dish that I like to make in the times when I am low on cash/interest in cooking and high on nail polish fumes. Just kidding, I meant time.

Without further ado, I present the soup recipe that could last, literally forever: Infinity Soup!

Infinity Soup
Infinity scarves and infinity tattoos were very trendy last year, so why not try Infinity Soup? This recipe requires soaking dried beans ahead of time, so I like to start it on Saturday, then cook it during the afternoon on Sunday.

1 bag of mixed dry beans (you could mix the dry beans yourself, but who has the time? Or, you can use one kind of bean, but you're going to be eating this soup forever, so you might as well splurge for the bag of beans that will provide different textures)
Something to create a smoky flavor (I use Liquid Smoke, but if you happen to have a ham bone kicking around, that would probably be a better flavor)
Some broth-like thing (Currently I'm using some veggie broth paste called Better Than Boullion, but cubes or liquid broth or that homemade chicken broth that you made and then froze, you overachiever, will also work well)
1/2 - 1 onion, chopped into little squares
Your favorite savory spices (I like using chili powder, crushed red pepper flakes and garlic, because those are generally the spices I have on hand. You don't want to go too crazy here. You can always add hot sauce or other things to kick the flavor up a notch)
1 can cheap beer (Most recently, I used PBR, but I've also seen nice results with Budweiser and Miller High Life. This can - and should! - be omitted if you can't eat gluten)
Left over goodies! - mostly fresh or cooked vegetables, rice, pasta, canned tomatoes, or anything you have in your fridge that would be delicious in a soup. Who were you to think that you'd be able to eat 2 pounds of kale in one week, you delusional fuck?

Day 1: Cover the beans under several inches of water and soak the beans overnight. Do this in a large bowl in the refrigerator. I don't really know the science behind why you should put the beans in the refrigerator, but it just works better if you do.

Day 2:
Hour 1: Start cooking early. Drain the water from the soaking bowl (if there's anything left). Put the beans in a big ol' soup pot, and add lots and lots of water. I don't really measure this. Just add a lot.  At this point, you can also add the broth or boullion cube and a couple drops of liquid smoke or the hambone. Cover and heat the stove to the point where the beans boil over and make a huge mess, then reduce the temperature to a simmer.

Here's my experience beans: they won't give you gas if you cook them enough. Beans should be soft, not crunchy. So give yourself 3-4 hours to make sure the beans aren't crunchy. Is it annoying to dedicate an entire afternoon to making soup? Yes. Is it annoying to not have to cook again for the rest of the week? I don't think so.

Hour 2: So the beans have been cooking in the water, getting softer.  Now it's time to add some flavor. Add the onions and spices. Keep cooking! Add more water if it all boils away.

Hour 2/12 - 3:  Taste the broth that the beans are in. Does it taste delicious, or does it taste like bean water? If it tastes like bean water, add some pepper and a little salt. Put in some more spices. Open the beer and dump a splash or two in, roughly half the can. The rest is for you, you lucky dog! At this point, you can also add any pre-cooked vegetables, fresh vegetables that take a longer time to cook, or leftover rice or pasta.

Hour 3 or 3 1/2: If I'm adding fresh vegetables, like kale or spinach, I like to add them at the last minute, so they stay kind of crispy. Do this now.

Hour 3, 3/12, 4: Your soup is done! Add any finishing spice touches and serve.

Making it Last Forever: The beauty of this soup, is that you could literally eat it forever, if you keep adding stuff to it. Although, I really don't recommend adding stuff to it on separate days more than twice, because, you know, food safety. Throw it away when it starts to smell extra beany. But hopefully you won't get to that point, because it will be so delicious that you'll gobble it all up (read: You have no choice, you made your infinity soup bed, now you'll have to lie in it).




Day 2: Drain the soak water (if there's any left)