Juicing: Ugh I know I can't shut up about it, but purchase a freshly made juice from a juice bar and hopefully you'll have a sophisticated palate enough to understand.
Celebrity Magazines: Purchase one next time you're in an airport. Read it cover to cover. Become educated on this week's sliver of celebrity gossip. Believe the "anonymous sources." Pepper your conversation with bits of celebrity trivia and news for the next few weeks. Then stop, and use the magazine to make inspired collages, because all of this stuff will be old news and obsolete by your next flight.
Homemade Salad Dressings: Always keep a lemon in your refrigerator. It's good for preventing scurvy and creating a delicious, homemade salad dressing. If you're not a big wuss, squeeze a slice over your salads then add salt and pepper. If you prefer your lettuce well-dressed, mix some lemon juice, olive oil, mustard, and balsamic vinegar in a bowl then drizzle away. But the lemon is the secret.
Doing Everything in the Shower: You thought I was going to say sex! Well I just did, but that's not part of the list. You haven't lived until you've brushed your teeth in the shower. I know it's a waste of water, but if you do it while letting conditioner sit in your hair, you're being efficient AND giving yourself a wondrous treat. Ditto using a neti pot. While you're in there, wash your face. Bonus points if you drink a beer while doing any of the above (not recommended for shower toothbrushing!).
Spring Cleaning: Get rid of that shirt that is a pretty color but you always have to pull up or down and is itchy. Collapse the boxes that have been sitting beside the open flame on your gas-powered hot water heater. Wash your butter dish. Sweep your porch. Repot your plants. Despite the chill in the Northeast Ohio air, spring is coming. Get to cleaning.
Keeping My Skillet Good and Greasy: This is the title to an old time tune that I hope is a euphemism for sex, but in this context, take it literally. If you have a cast-iron skillet, moisturize it with oils. It is your cast-iron child and if you take care of it now, it will feed you in your dotage. Then it will grow tired of your increasing senility and send you off to a nursing home.
While you're at it, use some moisturizer on your body. Take some neat's foot oil to your winter boots before you put them away for the summer. And roll your eyes every time someone tells you that the word "moist" makes them uncomfortable. There are much more uncomfortable things in this life, and those feelings should not be used towards a word that describes hydration, a concept that isn't offensive to anything except for deserts.
