Thursday, July 11, 2013

Sleep Like Baby: Surviving Summer

Few things give people more joy than complaining about things they have little control over. Take the weather for instance. No matter what's happening outside, someone will complain about it. So I'm going to do a little complaining of my own.

I currently live in a room without windows. It's great. The location is perfect, my roommates rule and the price is right. But it's hotter than the hinges of Hades and I haven't slept for more than 6 consecutive hours in about a week as a result. I'm one of those people who requires at least 8 hours a day or their brain shuts down. Here are a few action steps I've outlined for how to avoid dying of heat stroke and/or exhaustion this July.

1. Soak sheets in ice cold water. Put on bed. Sleep like baby.

2. Cut small hole in ceiling. If neighbors on top, new friends. If no neighbors, stick fan in hole. Sleep like baby.

3. Find summer boyfriend. If has windows in room, spend all time there. Sleep like baby. If has A/C and windows in room, marry him. Sleep like baby.

4. Go to homeless shelter. Sleep like baby.

5. Kidding about last one.

6. Hold fan above head while falling asleep. Hand drops fan, fan hits head, fan knocks me out. Sleep like baby.

7. Go to library. It has A/C. Find way to work while asleep. Go to sleep. Get paid to sleep like baby.

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